To: peter Ikenga
Subject: Mrs Trellis, an unfortunate incident
Date sent: Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:31:53 -0000
Dear Mr Ikenga
I am Chester Trellis, husband of Mrs Ethel Trellis.
Ethel has asked me to contact you on her behalf concerning a very delicate matter.
I understand that she has been involved in some sort of business dealings with you recently. She hasn’t given me any details at all, but then it’s the same with the whelk business, I’m always the last to know about anything, last year she was all set to move the entire operation to the South Shore and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the havoc that would have caused, I only found out about it when the removal van had a near miss with Arkwright, our ginger tabby.
Anyway, for reasons that I am not privy to, Ethel set off to the Dog and Bucket on Monday morning with the money that she had raised for my holiday and a determined expression. From what I understand she drank gin steadily throughout the day and all might have been well but for the arrival of the local rugby team, the Gwynedd Fliers. It isn’t clear exactly what sparked things off, but a huge brawl errupted in which Ethel apparently took a leading role. It was PC Morgans night off, so he wasn’t best pleased to be called away from a poker game in the Italian Quarter to deal with a rowdy Mrs Trellis. It’s not her first offence either.
She is now in one of the cells at Bangor Police Station and will,be up before the Magistrate on Friday. She was allowed to make a phone call once she had sobered up and used this to ask me to contact you. What with you being a Barrister she is hoping that you may be able to offer some advice, or even write a plea of mitigation on her behalf.
Please do what you can, the cats and I would be quite lost if she received a long jail sentence again.
Thank you for your time.