My Dear Mrs Mohd’s,
I cannot apologize enough, I have behaved in a disgraceful manner, I have no excuses and can only say that I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you and your box.
I am writing this from an internet cafe in Glasgow. I caught the 6:30 PM ferry on Thursday as planned. The crossing was very rough and I had a few large gins to steady my nerves. Arriving safely on the mainland I caught the bus to Glasgow and arranged accommodation. Feeling somewhat thirsty after the trip, I went to the Brew Dog pub, planning on just having a swift nightcap. Unfortunately, after a few glasses of Tactical Nuclear Penguin, I fell into conversation with a crowd of local pensioners and after still more drinks we decided to go to a club.
It certainly wasn’t the sort of club one gets on Islay, there was loud music, flashing lights, very expensive brandy and lots of cocaine. That is the last thing I remember until I woke up in my motel room two hours ago. Most of the money is gone, I know I spent a large amount on drink and drugs and the rest I must have just squandered. All I have left is £40 and a cream egg. I have no idea where the cream egg came from.
I haven’t written to Mr Lord Porch yet, do you suppose it is worthwhile for me to suggest that I send a deposit of £40, just to give us time to work out our next move?
Once again, I must apologize for this uncharacteristic and disgraceful behaviour, rest assured we WILL get your box delivered.
Kind Regards,
Ethel
I fear the cream egg may have been a step too far, nothing further was heard from Mr Lord Porch or Mrs Mohd’s.